Etiquette


This article jolted me to pick up my keyboard again. Not only for the very personal reason that I myself had my walima function (segregated) at the LMC nearly four years ago to the day, but that this story has all the now sadly common elements of Muslim bashing we are beginning to expect from our media and main stream politicians.

Firstly to the central point that segregated weddings are an affront to the cultural sensibilities of the British people. If a couple decides to celebrate their wedding at the LMC (basically an extension to the East London Mosque) it can only be expected that as for prayers, men and women guests will be entertained and dined in separate rooms. As well as my own walima, I have been invited to dozens of weddings which have been organised in this way as well as many that have not. This is entirely the choice of the families involved and the religious and cultural custom they wish to follow. There is no difference in this from orthodox Jewish customs and religious ceremonies followed by other religions.

As an MP in a diverse community, Jim Fitzpatrick should have been aware of the arrangements of this Muslim event. Perhaps his hosts should have made this clear to him and was negligent in not doing so. I remember being open with my non-Muslim guests as to the arrangements and this was fine with them.  Nobody walked out and all enjoyed the event. This follow up article indicates that the family went to some lengths to accomodate their guests.

What is more concerning is not his apparent ignorance but willingness to descend to the levels of the gutter press and twist the special day of a young couple (whom, according to the press article he didn’t even know) as a further and unwarranted side-swipe on Muslims, their customs and beliefs. Its fair game on Muslims at the moment and he’s apparently made his political calculations that he needs to boost his profile and attraction to the white working class of his constituency by appealing to latent racism and xenophobia. If George Galloway is standing in opposition to him at the next election, he may have decided that trying to vie for the votes of his Muslim community is a lost cause. In any case it’s a far cry from the honourable stand of traditional union activists who stood up for the marginalised and disempowered. His actions will no doubt provide succour to the likes of English Defence League who rampaged through Birmingham last week. Perhaps he would like to see similar demonstrations outside the LMC? So much for community cohesion.

The insidious attempts to malign the positive work of the ELM in its efforts to play a part in the local community by smearing it as an extremist institution, merely parrots the unfounded rants and lazy association beloved of the neo-con web sphere. It seems that if you try to engage within the society in which you operate you are branded as ‘political’ or the dirty word of the moment, ‘Islamist’, and if you don’t you are isolationist, rejectionist and not willing to integrate. It’s almost a lose-lose scenario.

As a new resident in East London, I marvel at the diversity and vibrancy of this area. Sure there are problems and I’ll elaborate on the challenges and opportunities that face the local community later. However, Jim Fitzpatrick’s flat footed contribution to the current hysteria provides no useful basis to progress the debate.

A week in to my bachelor status and things are falling in to a routine. You’ll all be glad to know that I’m not wasting away here on my own. Arabs are renown for the hospitality shown to guests and this has been liberally applied. I’ve noticed that many people from the east know how to honour their guests and it reminds me of Michael Palin’s comments after returning back to Blightly after his 80 days around the world trip that people were less gracious and caring in the UK more than anywhere else (or words to that effect).

A conversation in a Middle Eastern/Sub Continental/African/Central Asian/Far Eastern household between a guest and host might go something like this:

Host: Would you like something to drink?
Guest: No thank you, I’m fine.
Host: Really, tell me its no trouble, I insist?
Guest: No honestly its fine, I’m OK.
Host: Well how about some water then, at least that?
Guest: No need really.
Host: Please you would insult me otherwise?
[And so on for about five minutes until…]
Guest: Some water will be great, but only if its no trouble, thank you.
[Host goes to kitchen and wheels out a five course meal made up of the freshly sacrificed goats, exotic specialities and the best food in the house, including jelly.]

A similar scenario in the UK might be slightly shorter:

Host: Would you like some tea?
Guest: No thank you.
Host: OK [and goes to make himself a cup and drinks in front of guest]

I do of course exaggerate slightly, there have been plenty of times I’ve not even been offered tea! The honouring of the guest or traveller is greatly praised in many cultures, and the Islamic tradition is no exception to this as can be seen from the following translation of a verse from Quran and narration.

Allah says, “Has the story reached you of the honoured guests of Ibrahim? When they entered his dwelling and said, ‘Peace! ‘He said, ‘Peace! O people unknown to us.’ So he slipped off to his household and brought a fattened calf. He offered it to them. He exclaimed, ‘Do you not then eat?'” (51:24-27)

Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Anyone who believes in Allah and the Last Day should honour his guest. Anyone who believes in Allah and the Last Day, should maintain ties of kinship. Anyone who believes in Allah and the Last Day, should speak well or be silent.” [Agreed upon]

Anyway this tradition is keeping me well looked after although on the converse side there are etiquettes of being a good guest and not being a burden to ones hosts. At the moment I don’t think I’m near that threshold but I would like to buy a present for them to show gratitude – any ideas anyone?